What's size got to do with it?

It was the fourth time that day I had been referred to as ‘Ma’ (a courteous way of addressing seemingly older people or as a sign of respect for a person’s position or authority). First was at the entrance of the eatery where I had gone to get lunch. The security personnel had held open my door while I alighted from the car. He had a very broad smile on his face as he bowed and said; “Welcome Ma”. I gave him a smile back while heading for the door.

Next was the service attendant. She had a genuine smile on her face as I approached. “Good Afternoon Ma, what would you like to order? She said’’. I returned the smile yet again and went on to place my order.

The third time was at the bank. I had just driven into the premises and was heading for the ATM when the security personnel walked up to me, umbrella in hand speaking pidgin. “Good Afternoon Madam! Welcome, make I cover you with my umbrella make sun no beat you too much (let me shield you from the sun). He proceeds to walk me to the ATM machine before returning to his security post. I say a big ‘thank you’ to him for the gesture with a friendly but suspicious smile…  What was it with all the hearty cheers I was receiving?

By the close of work I had decided to get fuel for my car. As I approached the first pump in sight at the fuel station, the service attendant gleefully smiled at me and for the next 5 minutes I am showered with unrequited eulogies…

“Good Evening Ma! My fine aunty! How was your day? I hope it wasn’t stressful? And how are the kids?” (With a very happy smile plastered on her face).

I was too stunned to respond at first! Kid’s ke! (Which kids?) Not even kid, na Kids she dey ask for? (She’s not even asking for a kid, its kids!) Na wa oh! Where was it written that I had kids? *confused look* I pulled myself together, smiled right back at the attendant and responded; “My day was good thank you and the kids are fine. I would like to fill up my tank please”.

Now I had decided that this was a better response otherwise I would have spent the next hour providing explanations to my enthusiastic service attendant who had assumed I was a Mum with numerous kids… As if this drama wasn’t enough for one day (lol).

All through the rest of the drive from the fuel station I began to ponder on the day’s events. It wasn’t as though this was the first time I had been referred to in this manner (well asides the how are the kids question! Lol) but I was just too curious to know if I was alone in the ‘Ma’ department…

My good friend had called me that night and I decided to share my experience. After she had had a fulfilling 30 minute laugh at my dilemma, she proceeded to provide some explanation. It was either of two things she claimed. First it could be that the various people I encountered that day were being nice and courteous for the sole objective of receiving some financial gain from me or secondly, it could be that they felt from my look and size I could possibly be a ‘big madam’ and as a sign of respect had decided to address me as “Ma”...

Well, I was having none of it! ‘Big madam’ ke I asked? Where was it written that because I was a certain size I therefore had to be referred to as madam? I refused to let it slide. So the next day at work I engaged my colleagues in this same discourse.

Colleague No. 1 had a very good laugh before responding and sharing her own experience. She was in charge of planning and organizing a press conference for a company she previously worked with. Part of the requirements was for her to find a suitable location close enough to the office to host this event. She had decided to visit a popular hotel a few blocks from the office but then just before she arrived she returned to fetch another colleague to join her down there. Her reason was simple. She claimed she was too ‘petite’ to be taken seriously. She didn’t have the time to waste and she wanted fast results so she felt going with a ‘bigger’ looking colleague would help fast track her mission. Did they succeed in getting all they needed? She claimed they did only because she had gone with her more ‘big madam’ looking colleague. She went on to explain that if you didn’t have a certain look or carriage, you could either be ignored or in extreme cases receive rude responses from attendants…

Now colleague No. 2 was a Male and he had also encountered something similar, although his was a bit different. He mentioned how he had gone to a furniture store to buy some new furniture for his apartment. Now because it was a weekend he had worn a casual t-shirt, shorts and a flip flop. All through his window shopping, none of the store attendants approached him. He had finally found something he liked and signaled to one of the attendants to place his order. The response he received next shocked the life out of him. He mentioned the attendant looked him over rudely and proceeded to ask him if he was placing the order for his ‘oga’ (boss). He was livid! He was sure God had intervened on the attendants’ behalf because his first reaction was to dish out a resounding slap to the insolent attendant. He made sure to express his displeasure and also requested to see the manager of the store… Let’s just say that was the last time he ever visited that store…

Colleague No. 3, another Male, seemed angry while we all shared our experiences. Shoo, wetin dey do this one I taught to myself! I turned to him at this point and asked if we had offended him with our story. He claimed he was upset because our experiences where a lot better than his. Puzzled, I asked why? He went on to say that being a really “slim” male has its downside. He mentioned that apart from the fact that all the ladies he had dated had made various annoying inferences about his size, another was the fact that he was rarely ever taken seriously…

He shared his story. So there was this girl he had been noticing for a while in church, really pretty with curves in all the right places. Coincidentally one Sunday morning she sat beside him but didn’t have a hymn book with her (commonly used in Roman Catholic churches). He was glad to share his. They started conversing after this and many Sundays after, he decided he’d invite her out on a date. Ha! It was one move he regretted till date. Let just say amidst so many other reasons she gave for not wanting to go on a date with him, the core reason was that she was a ‘one man’ kinda girl and if she was going to do this with him (by “this” she was somehow referring to a relationship! Na date dem ask for where she get relationship idea from? *confused*) then he had to be all she wanted. Well not perfectly but at least close. In his defense, he asked her what she wanted and this was her response;

“I want a grounded man who loves the Lord and also knows what he wants and how to get it. Physically, he has to be built and taller than I am. Abeg, I can’t be grabbing bones ohh! He definitely has to have flesh in all the right places…” (inserts shocked look! Chai! These girls aint loyal! Loool).

Let’s just say that he practically had to start attending early morning masses to avoid running into her ever again…

Now on another encounter he had attended an event with a friend who as opposed to him was a lot more built (and filled out in all the right places. lol!). As they approached the venue of the event, his friend who was walking ahead of him was let through without a single question from any of the security personnel at the entrance. As he was about to step in one of the security personnel stopped him and asked if he had an invitation to the event. He was too stunned to respond. His friend had noticed he was stopped and returned to the door to tell the security personnel that they were both attending the event together. It was only after hearing this information that the security personnel let him through. Now for the rest of the event he was totally pissed. Na crime to be lepa again? (Is it a crime to be skinny?) 

He went on to say that no matter how hard he had tried to gain a little more weight he just couldn’t. Since he couldn’t change his size, he proceeded to change his look, carriage and presentation just so that he is taken a lot more seriously and so far it had proven to have better results.

We all had a good laugh at his experience. I kept laughing at his failed love attempt with the ‘Christian Sister’ Lord have mercy! Here I was thinking my experiences were bad… We went on to conclude that one needn’t be a particular size or frame to command respect. All that was required was a person’s carriage and presentation. Size really didn’t matter. Maybe or maybe not!

What experiences have you had in this regard? What has size or look really got to do with it? Feel free to share!

Till next time, have a fabulous week ahead…

Toodles!

Kechy!